Posted in Motivation, Personalities and Temperaments, Uncategorized

Screw Perfection!!!

As I was checking out ‘Curiosity’, the app, I came to a realization.

I uninstalled my whatsapp for reasons even I don’t know and I needed to check some important messages. When I got to the Play store, I noticed it was telling me to download apps that I already have. Which didn’t make sense to me but I just kept browsing.
Naturally, I am a curious person. It was no surprise that I scrolled past ‘Curiosity’ then got back to it. I mean that name just screams, “Look at me!!!” Before downloading it, I went through the reviews. Of course no one ever believes the first few. I always consider them as click-bait. I click on ‘all reviews’ and they were encouraging with a few suggestions on things that the developers could work on. Sounded legit, so I installed it. (I never got to downloading WhatsApp in the end).

I know, I know… I sound like I’m advertising ๐Ÿ˜‚. But no, this is the true chronology of events.

I dived right into reading the first article I saw. It was on perfectionism.

Guess what… I’m a perfectionist!! Now, I’m not sure if that is good or not.

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Some symptoms of perfectionism included:-

1. Thinking and acting in extremes
2. Procrastination
3. Difficulty in finishing projects
4. Trouble delegating
5. Putting up walls
6. Fixating on past mistakes

One of the things that really stood out for me is that I often fail to start a project for the fear of not doing it well, perfectly if I may say so.
Mostly applies to my writing. I’ve had times when I wrote a title and left it as a draft which I would later delete because I felt it wouldn’t be good enough or the content would not be interesting to an audience.

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I also have a habit of putting up walls. I do talk to a lot of people but rarely do I foster long-lasting relationships. I lack the drive to make true friends or open up and show any form of vulnerability. I also have a phobia of comforting people. When someone close is in trouble the first thing I do is freeze. I get disoriented and the anxiety confuses me. I just don’t know how to help. This is because I’m afraid that I might make the situation worse or I might not offer what the person needs at the moment. But that’s not to say that I am a terrible person ๐Ÿ˜Š. I give great tight warm hugs!!! At times people just want to be embraced and I guess I do that well enough โ˜บ.

Another thing is, I also fixate on past mistakes. I atone for them time and time again. But getting stuck in the past is not always the best thing as one tends to repeat the same things. That’s what guilt does to a person. Eats you up from within and in the end, you drown yourself while trying to free yourself. My fear of relationships also stems from some past mistakes. More about this to be found inย All About Me

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I do have problems delegating tasks. I mean a wise person once said, “The only way to make sure something is done perfectly, is to do it yourself”. I’ve had times when delegating was a must. Still whenever someone failed to do their tasks, instead of insisting on making sure they do it, I just did it myself. I always find it easier that way.

But due to piling too many responsibilities on myself, I either ended up not finishing the project or just procrastinating it. I’m not sure if I think and act in extremes. I’ll have to meditate on that one.

Is it just me or is there a connection to each and every symptom?? It’s like one leads to another and another and another…

At the end of the article, there was a suggestion on how to deal with perfectionism. Did I mention that this has been related to mental illness?? ๐Ÿ˜•๐Ÿ˜ฐ… Anyway, the author suggests that instead of obsessing on all the things that could go wrong, we should just think of how we could do things right. Things mostly tend to work out, right?

I mean, just do it!!โœ…โœ”๐Ÿ˜Ž

Kinda like how I’m just writing this not knowing if it’s useful information or not. If I had concentrated on making sure I had the perfect article to share with you guys, I would never have started this blog. But now, I’ve had it for over a year and still counting.

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So, I would really appreciate it if you left a comment by telling me what you think. Are you also a perfectionist?? If so, which symptoms affect you most? Also share with me any information you may have on perfectionism. I could have misdiagnosed myself ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

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Posted in Personalities and Temperaments, Uncategorized

Introverted Me

Of late I was of the mind that I actually am not an introvert. I had written about my personality in past articles. But now everyone was saying how I made friends easily, how talkative I am and how easy to talk to most people found me. For a moment there I started to believe that I was an extrovert of some sort. (Baby extrovert maybe)๐Ÿ˜ƒ. The symptoms convinced me so. I got excited around hype crowds, I exhausted my quota of words for the day… I mean I drew energy from being with friends. I grow happy even and become low when I was alone. Does this mean I got high on being with people??

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But with the lecturers strike and the events I had to attend or plan, I ended up staying in my room doing a lot of nothing not being able to go home. Just watching movies and reading a few articles here and there. As I had stated previously, I have a habit of overthinking and overanalyzing situations especially when I have a lot of free time. This time was no different. I even got to thinking about my purpose in life, what activity do I do that gives me joy and if I could do it as a career. I havenโ€™t yet gotten the answers, but thatโ€™s a story for another day.

Whenever a friend knocked on my door, I kept thinking โ€œI hope they havenโ€™t come to stay for longโ€. Not that I do not love my friends or anything, but I came to realise something… It takes a lot of energy. It takes a lot to hold a conversation. A lot to think of what to say, how they will react to it, how to make sure I donโ€™t kill the conversation. I remember attending a few talks and conferences and almost all the speakers insisted on being able to stand out, to speak your mind. That your network is your net worth. To create a network, one should be able to speak to people confidently and frequently. One should be able to spark a conversation with almost whoever they sit next to. But I think all through my life this has been the most difficult thing to do. How do you just walk up to a stranger and say โ€œHi, Iโ€™m Alfie…โ€? What does one say next? Do you ask them their name.. what they do.. or do I tell them what I do.. or why I even have an interest in talking to them? I did not want my introversion to be the reason I miss out on opportunities. So I pushed myself to say what I think, to show what I can do. To put myself out there.

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I found out that I sleep best when I get home from a social event. Why?? Because I used up all my energy interacting with people. I donโ€™t draw energy from crowds, I use it on crowds. Probably why I hate unfamiliar crowds. But even the ones I know still take a lot from me. I do enjoy the company, Lord knows I need it… But sometimes it just drains me. Some people mistake introverts for antisocial beings. We donโ€™t hate people, we just prefer being in our own company. We’re made to feel as if it is disadvantageous to be quiet, yet we are told to listen more and speak less. When I am quiet, I am either thinking or listening. Do we have to change ourselves in order to fit in or to stand out?

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The irony is, I donโ€™t like being alone. At times I like the peace and quiet and to be left to my thoughts, but most times when the thoughts become too much or too dark, I crave companionship. At this point, I go to a friend or back home. To familiar people with whom I am comfortable to be myself. Because they understand me. I am a lively person with lots of love to dish out. I guess thatโ€™s why my classmates and friends tend not to believe it when I say that I am an introvert. I have a lot to share and say, it just takes time to feel free around other people. I am capable and talented, I just donโ€™t show it in a hype manner. Maybe all others have to do is observe me and not judge…

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Things to remember
Posted in Personalities and Temperaments, Uncategorized

Introvert or Extrovert??

In my first post, I had talked about how I began writing in ”ย How it all Begun.“. I mentioned that I was a quiet person and one who is not as loquacious as most of my friends were. This really bugged me as I mostly felt out of place. I didn’t make friends easily and when I did, they dominated the conversations and talked over me because apart from not talking much, when I did talk… I wasn’t as perceptible as everyone around me. When I was at a youth conference, one of the speakers happened to be talking about personalities and I felt as if I had come across a revelation!!!! FINALLY! I was understanding myself and it felt elevating to say the least. Continue reading “Introvert or Extrovert??”