Posted in Fictional writing, Love, Uncategorized

The foreshadow

Did you know that our senses take in a lot of things but our brain has the capacity to only process a few? That’s why we hear a lot which we mostly forget and listen to one thing that we intend to remember. Since our eyes are mostly open, we see close to everything, but take note of only that which we are interested in. In short, we hear what we want and see what we want.
This is what Rosita had in mind one morning as she walked around sleepily trying to get ready for class. It wasn’t really early, around 9 a.m. But she had gotten used to waking up late owing to the fact that she was just from holiday. See, every corner she turned, she saw a love heart shape. At first it was on the floor. Some spilt water had spread leaving a dry heart shape in the middle. Then on the table when she was pouring water into a cup and some of it formed the same shape. Chuckling, she reminded herself that she was seeing things because she is very imaginative when it comes to seeing weird shapes on floors, walls or pretty much any surface. She remembered seeing the face of Tarzan on the bathroom tiles or a skull on her soap. This wasn’t any different. It was at that time that it really hit her how lonely she was. She quickly brushed that feeling aside and started dressing up. Navy blue slacks, dark green plaid shirt and black ankle boots. She didn’t really care to look her best because she wasn’t feeling her best.
‘There’s only one thing| to do| three words| for you…| I love you’ kept singing in her head over and over again. It was a song she used to love and had not heard it in over two years. So why did it keep playing in her head like an annoying ad song? To make things worse, those were the only words she knew. Her heart seemed to be in a joyful mood but her mind did not share the feeling. And this made her feel torn… Rosita hadn’t realized she had been staring at the floor all the while until she bumped into something, or someone. ‘Ugh, now what?’ she murmured under her breath as she lifted her head to see what obstacle had the audacity to be in her way this morning. Her heart stopped, her eyes grew wider before she lowered them and her face started to feel hot. She had really hoped, prayed even not to bump into him any time soon.

Her day couldn’t get any worse…

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Posted in Life, Love, Uncategorized

Mother, my hero!!!

They say all babies are beautiful, but that was not he case when it came to him. His head was too big for his body, his eyes oddly wide, his ears stuck out too much and his teeth didn’t fit in his mouth. People were not particularly flustered when he smiled at them. They did not fuss after him and when he cried, they did not care. Only one person did. His mother. Every time he shied away from a group of kids and kept to himself in a corner, she called out to him and when he did not answer, she took the children to him. When he did not trust his answer when doing his homework, she helped him out and reminded him “You can do it!”. Years later when he stared at himself in the mirror for too long, she’d say “If you keep staring at your handsome self for so long, you will go blind.” And he believed every word she said. That he was handsome. That he could do it all. When others did not believe in him, he thought of his mother, smiled to himself and went ahead to prove them wrong.

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Twenty five years into his life, he realized the truth. He wasn’t ugly or insufficient. He was perfectly normal. His featured seemed enormous when he was a baby for the simple reason that he was a baby. By now he had grown well into his skin. People were flustered when he smiled at them or laughed, just not as much as his mother. They did care when he cried only that by the time they reacted to his outburst, his mother was already by his side sweeping him into her arms. The love she gave him made all else seem exiguous. And people doubted his skills and expertise because that is just how the world is.

When she called him handsome, it was no lie. How did he know that? As he stood in front of a crowd of friends and family looking straight ahead all he could see was the most beautiful lady he had ever seen (after his momma of course). At the altar when he said I do to his now wife, his heart was swell. ” Why are you afraid to approach her? She would be the luckiest girl in the world if she had you by her side…” His mother was never wrong when it came to some things. She always said that he was the best gift that God had ever given her, but he would like to tell her… I… would like to tell you that you are the gift here. Mom, because of you I am and because of your love I grew up to be the man I am today. You never denied me anything, well apart from the play station 2 I had wanted as a kid. But you knew what was best for me. You encouraged me despite my lack of self belief. You allowed me to explore and discover what I did best. Allowed me to pursue my passion and become my own person. I realised I have never told you all these things. So instead I wrote them down. I love you mom!!!!! What else can I say? I’m grateful, thankful, happy and many other things…

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY MOM!!!!

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Posted in Life, Love, Uncategorized

New Love

Two strangers cross paths either by accident, as a coincidence or because the circumstances forced them to meet. They exchange a word or two and boom!!! They like each other. They think huh, we can be friends. They start meeting often. This time for coffee, another time for lunch or for a walk. They may be in a group of people or just them two, but they always have this connection that makes them feel as if they are alone. One is shy and the other is bold. One is full of fear but the other compensates this fear with courage. And soon they realise that it’s not just friendship anymore. It’s something more, but neither is ready to share. Other people start asking questions. “What’s up with you and so and so?”, ”I see you two are getting close 😉”… “What?? We are just friends 😶” They wonder if the other said something about them, told people that they felt something. Finally, the guy gathers courage and decides to speak out… in form of a love letter.

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Dear A,

I know that we’ve barely known each other for a long time and it may sound weird but please allow me to say what I’ve been thinking for quite some time now. When I first met you, I thought you were the most awkward person I have ever met leave alone seen. But then I got to know you and I realised that you’re not awkward; you’re just a beautifully unique human being. I know I sound like I am exaggerating things but this is my opinion of you. You made me view the world from a different perspective. You know like looking through a kaleidoscope; this is what I saw looking at the world from your eyes. The world just got that much colorful. I’ve always enjoyed your company. I like your smile, your laugh, the way your eyes become smaller and watery when you laugh hard. Always makes me laugh with you even when I don’t understand what the joke is all about. I like how you bite your lower lip when you are deep in thought or how you scratch your head when trying to find a solution to a problem. I like how you jump up excitedly when you finally get a solution; that phrase, what was it again? ‘Eureka, I’ve found it!!’ always cracked me up. I like that you’re a good listener. Every time I have a problem, you’re always there to give an ear. You may not have any solutions but this is always enough. I do not like to see you troubled or sad, it makes my heart cringe. But even when I cannot make the sadness go away, you know that you have a shoulder to cry on if shedding of tears is necessary. I like how your petite figure fits into mine every time we hug either hi or bye. Interestingly, I like the times we just sit there silently with nothing to tell each other. Occasionally stealing glances and looking away thinking the other hasn’t seen. I like how stubborn you are which leads us to have unending arguments. I like how strong-willed you are, that you never let anything keep you down. I like that you are a God fearing person. This is the reason I am convinced that you were made for me 😂. My missing rib maybe, if that actually exists. Most of my sentences begin with ‘I like’. Replace all the likes with love. The little I know about you makes me want to know more. The little time I have spent with you makes me want to spend more time with you. You may have probably heard all this before and it may all sound cliché but I’m just being sincere. This may not be a beautiful poem, it may not be a song, hell it may not even be enough to be called a love letter. But it is the true expression of what I feel the best way I know how. So many words and am not sure I’ve brought out any message. I guess what am trying to say is, I love you. Every bit of you, all your perfections and flaws, everything. I’d like us to be more than just friends, if you’d accept me. What say you?
Yours truly
-S-

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Posted in Fictional writing, Life, Love, Uncategorized

Just The Two of Us

 HER: He said he came from Jamaica, he owned a couple of acres. A couple fake visas cause he      never got his papers. Well that wasn’t him. This one was just always there. Three years down    the line but I have only known him for two. First acquaintances then friends. I called him my soulmate but he never knew why. CIA agents he called us because we ran a covert affair. That’s how it started but only for so long. Awesomeness and greatness all put in one. Amazed I am and humbled to have known such. A sweet tongue he has and the skill to use it he doesn’t lack. Maneno matamu humtoa nyoka pangoni; and outside my cave he managed to draw me. Let’s make it on a Friday, I could be late but don’t worry I’m always on time. Those were his words. After struggling with the spaghetti and downing the cooling cocktail, his bag he handed me; the one I had always coveted. My face lit up all excited. ‘Finally! He gave it up…’. ‘Open it up’, he said. All so curious I looked inside but so dark it was I almost didn’t see it. Then the pink caught my eye and my heart skipped a bit. Pulling it out, I held my breath. When my heart got back to beating, the rhythm wasn’t the same. It beat harder and I felt a lump come up my throat. I tried to speak but my voice caught and the words disappeared. Speechless!! I laughed to hold back the tears. “Keep it together girl”, was all I could hear in my mind. ‘On my way home I kept staring outside the window fighting back the waterworks for so many reasons’, I told him. But the real reasons he might never know. Three rocks that shine and glimmer in the sun. ’I wish I could have captured this moment on video… You should have seen the look on your face: You couldn’t have looked more beautiful’ are the words I remember him saying.  ‘What were they for?’ I asked. The answer I did not get. So, while I’m seated here playing with the necklace on my neck, I can’t help but think it is a farewell gift. Well that’s how I choose to take it as. Every time I feel it touch my neck, my thoughts to you they will go. And like a film, the memories will play in my head. In my prayers you always are, somewhere at least.

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HIM: Wow… I’m flattered, speechless in fact. Real reasons I might never know?? I thought the secrets would have stopped by now?? A sweet tongue I know I have. She says I have the skill to use it but I doubt I do. With it I never got her to the tip after all. She on the other hand knows how to kill it. ‘Slow down!’ I told her. I feared I might buzz real quick and the magical moment would have been short lived. But she is obedient. ‘The sight of you is second to none!’ I told her. But she said I turn my sweet words into actions, otherwise she thought I’m just a flirt. Three rocks glimmering under the sun is what she called what I got her. She almost wept. Her heart melted and she went speechless! She thinks it is a farewell gift, but not so. She is the custodian of the three rocks. I will be back not to take them away, but to replace the one on the neck. As I think of it’s perfect position and the glorious view it has of that chest let alone the sweet scent around, I get jealous. She claims that if she woke up and found herself hooked too much to me she will walk. So from acquaintances to friends to running a covert affair: was I a fool to think we could be more than that or was she the fool to think that she could walk away if shit got any realer??

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HER: You know why I call him my soul mate?? Because he seems like someone we’d get along with quite well. But as life is so unfair, soul mates do not end up together. And that is the sad bit. I keep asking myself are we wasting our time?? Or more specifically I his?

HIM: ‘So tell me the real reasons why you had the waterworks.’ It’s true we might not end up together. She has questions that either you can’t get an answer to or a question that is an answer already and chances are you might not like the answer. Both options make you feel like she’s breathing fire on you. Now she asks if we are wasting each other’s time and specifically if she’s wasting mine. But I would like her to know… When she is around me, there’s no place I would rather be. When she is not, that’s the only place I’d want to be.

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HER: As he was going to be away for some time, I couldn’t help but feel as if he was being taken away from me. I wanted so much to talk to him as much as I could but that was not possible. It seemed as if all the forces were working against me. First, my phone ran out of power. Then there was horrible traffic. And as if things couldn’t get any worse, the lights went off immediately we got home. I remember how hopeless I felt. He wanted me to comment on his last statement. But nothing came to mind. A large red throbbing heart I sent him since that is what mine felt like at the moment.

 

The above is an article that the two of them wrote. And they started looking for a name for it.

 

HIM: Bonney and Clyde?… Clever fools?

HER: I like Bonney and Clyde… Hopeless Hopefuls?

HIM: Nuh… Those are actual names of other people. Let’s use our actual names then. And oh! Are you hopeful?

HER: Nuh. Using our names would be too direct… I was hopeful. What about you?

HIM: Was? What changed?

HER: I don’t know really… I’m yet to find out.

HIM: After writing all that and now you tell me that you aren’t hopeful?

HER: Speaking of which I would like to see one every two weeks. You haven’t answered my question by the way.

HIM: One every two weeks will make you more hopeful? Yes, I am hopeful!

HER: What makes you so? I think my problem is the distance.

HIM: I don’t know, soulmates maybe, I owned the name soulmate you see. About the distance, it’s only for a period of time and I will be back to continue this ‘thing’ whether you will have replaced me or not

HER: *Chuckles*… If you are overthrown, we cannot continue now can we?

HIM: I don’t care, coup de’ tat. If it’s someone I’d rather be with you can even call me Kim Jong Un. So you can prepare in advance. When I get back, I’m not holding back. After all, I did ‘mark’ you as my own…

And that was how the conversation ended. They agreed that no one would be replacing anyone. They would figure it out together… When they got a chance to sit down and talk.

                                                     *THE END*

Posted in Life, Love, Thoughts, Uncategorized

In Prison… Yet I have The Key

You think you overthink??

Hi, I’m Alfie… my mind is always at work even when I’m asleep. Outwardly I’m beaming with positivity but deep inside, I have constant negative energy. I am very capable of changing the world and impact lives but I lack self-confidence. I like to keep time and meet deadlines but procrastinating is bae. I purpose to have a fulfilling spiritual life but the world engulfs me with all its intoxication. I am a loving person but not necessarily a friendly one. I enjoy people’s company but I hate crowds. I talk big game but I am a coward. I know all these and would like to change… but I have no clue where to start.

From all the movies I have watched, one thing is clear. Prison is rough! You get prosecuted and have a lawyer point out all the things they think you have done wrong; convincing the jury that you should be excommunicated and if possible never exercise your right of freedom. If you have any ounce of decency at that moment, guilt gnaws on you and you’re sure there is no one worse than you in the world. Then you get to prison!! And you realize, you’re not that bad. It could be a wrong way of consoling yourself, but you meet people who have done far worse things (according to you) and you know there is a chance for your redemption. You just made a mistake that you’re paying for by staying in isolation and constantly thinking about what you’ve done, how it has affected various people.

But you know what I find worse? Self-inflicted imprisonment.

Try picturing yourself in a room. An empty room. You’re curled up in a corner looking around nervously as if someone is out to get you; burying your head in your arms that are rested on bent knees. The loneliness and sadness have drawn almost permanent tear lines down your face. The silence is too much for you that you’re almost going mad. Suddenly through the thick walls you can hear what is going on outside the room. You’re curious. You stare at the door wanting to get out into the world. Not that you can see it. The room is too dark as there are no windows, but many years of staying indoors have made you know where everything is. Standing up, you walk towards the door and as you fumble around, you realize there is a key. You open the door and peek outside, there are no guards. Here is your chance at freedom. All it takes is one step… just one. You lift your leg pushing it forward and pause… Then you step back, turn the key and go back to your corner. Later on, you will be wondering why you did that. Why you gave up freedom and locked yourself inside instead of stepping out.

See, in this prison, no one keeps you inside but yourself. There is no judge, only you condemn you. Only you limit your potential. Only you inhibit your own happiness… and it sucks! Nobody likes to be isolated. Human beings are social beings. I always say that we are created for a purpose. When one is in prison, they do not utilize their abilities and one is definitely not happy. Various things can make you imprison yourself including lack of self-belief, self-confidence and self-love. The good thing about this kind of prison (or the bad thing) is that you can get yourself out, only you. People may try to get you out but if you do not want to be helped, you will only stay inside and miss out on opportunities and happiness. We don’t want that now do we??

All you have to do is believe in yourself. Believe that the world is as you make it. That you are in charge. That God has your back. You are never alone, so don’t lock yourself in. You are the key to your own destiny. All you have to do is have faith, and work on it.

Get out of your own self-made prison. Break free!!

freedom

I am in the process, just struggling with the key…

Posted in Life, Love, Mood, Poetry, Uncategorized

Happy Valentine’s… Or is it??

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It’s valentine’s day today
Eyes half closed
I look outside my window
It was cloudy and gray
Not the usual blue sky
With birds chirping that I usually wake up to
In an hour I’m out of the room heading into town
And there it is
A painful reminder of what day it is
The red that painted the streets
The posters and banners for offers
Parks, now full of people
Streets with people in pairs
Only I walked alone
As I had in previous years
But when I looked at the couples
That made my propagating
Of the streets a great task
I couldn’t help but smile
As if I knew something
What was it though?
Who was responsible for my smile?
All the way to Imax
I walk almost in a jog
With the money I had
I bought a second ticket
Put one hand in my pocket
Pulled out the first…
Seems like I wouldn’t have to watch the movie alone
As I held both tickets in hand
An image of him popped up in my head
And my smile slowly fades away
What if history repeats itself?
Is he an addition to a long line of disappointments?
Do I even want this??
To me he felt like
One of those guys who show up
Make you happy
Turn your life upside down
And disappear
Leaving you in turmoil
Shaking my head I quickly brush the thoughts aside
I choose to concentrate on the here and now
I rush back to my room
To get ready
Filled with bliss
And questions of what I was going to wear
I decided against red
Settled on black
Why? I don’t know
It was going to be an interesting evening
At least that’s what I thought
Until I woke up…

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Posted in Life History, Love, Poetry, Uncategorized

Bonnie The Poet 2

As I had already show cased in Bonnie the poet. Bonnie Parker, of Bonnie and Clyde, was a poet…and a great one at that. I love her work because they all have a story behind them and you can really connect with her and her feelings.

This piece was about her and the love of her life. I tend to feel as if it was an autobiography since it was the only written story of their lives.

Let’s get straight to it… Continue reading “Bonnie The Poet 2”

Posted in Life, Love, Mood, Motivation, Self, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Hazard to Myself

It stings so bad. I look for a way to let it out but every time I try, it just gets worse. How else can I do it? Shall I hit something? I don’t think I’m that strong. Or maybe I should try breaking something fragile… but then if it is fragile, it must have cost me something. I don’t think I would like to make things worse for myself as I try to fix them. I see people try to hurt themselves. Does it really work? Even with all my flaws, I still love myself too much. And that is probably why I can’t bear to feel the hurt. Someone like me doesn’t deserve it at all.

Image result for sad girl images Continue reading “Hazard to Myself”