As I was checking out ‘Curiosity’, the app, I came to a realization.
I uninstalled my whatsapp for reasons even I don’t know and I needed to check some important messages. When I got to the Play store, I noticed it was telling me to download apps that I already have. Which didn’t make sense to me but I just kept browsing.
Naturally, I am a curious person. It was no surprise that I scrolled past ‘Curiosity’ then got back to it. I mean that name just screams, “Look at me!!!” Before downloading it, I went through the reviews. Of course no one ever believes the first few. I always consider them as click-bait. I click on ‘all reviews’ and they were encouraging with a few suggestions on things that the developers could work on. Sounded legit, so I installed it. (I never got to downloading WhatsApp in the end).
I know, I know… I sound like I’m advertising 😂. But no, this is the true chronology of events.
I dived right into reading the first article I saw. It was on perfectionism.
Guess what… I’m a perfectionist!! Now, I’m not sure if that is good or not.
Some symptoms of perfectionism included:-
1. Thinking and acting in extremes
3. Difficulty in finishing projects
4. Trouble delegating
5. Putting up walls
6. Fixating on past mistakes
One of the things that really stood out for me is that I often fail to start a project for the fear of not doing it well, perfectly if I may say so.
Mostly applies to my writing. I’ve had times when I wrote a title and left it as a draft which I would later delete because I felt it wouldn’t be good enough or the content would not be interesting to an audience.
I also have a habit of putting up walls. I do talk to a lot of people but rarely do I foster long-lasting relationships. I lack the drive to make true friends or open up and show any form of vulnerability. I also have a phobia of comforting people. When someone close is in trouble the first thing I do is freeze. I get disoriented and the anxiety confuses me. I just don’t know how to help. This is because I’m afraid that I might make the situation worse or I might not offer what the person needs at the moment. But that’s not to say that I am a terrible person 😊. I give great tight warm hugs!!! At times people just want to be embraced and I guess I do that well enough ☺.
Another thing is, I also fixate on past mistakes. I atone for them time and time again. But getting stuck in the past is not always the best thing as one tends to repeat the same things. That’s what guilt does to a person. Eats you up from within and in the end, you drown yourself while trying to free yourself. My fear of relationships also stems from some past mistakes. More about this to be found in All About Me
I do have problems delegating tasks. I mean a wise person once said, “The only way to make sure something is done perfectly, is to do it yourself”. I’ve had times when delegating was a must. Still whenever someone failed to do their tasks, instead of insisting on making sure they do it, I just did it myself. I always find it easier that way.
But due to piling too many responsibilities on myself, I either ended up not finishing the project or just procrastinating it. I’m not sure if I think and act in extremes. I’ll have to meditate on that one.
Is it just me or is there a connection to each and every symptom?? It’s like one leads to another and another and another…
At the end of the article, there was a suggestion on how to deal with perfectionism. Did I mention that this has been related to mental illness?? 😕😰… Anyway, the author suggests that instead of obsessing on all the things that could go wrong, we should just think of how we could do things right. Things mostly tend to work out, right?
I mean, just do it!!✅✔😎
Kinda like how I’m just writing this not knowing if it’s useful information or not. If I had concentrated on making sure I had the perfect article to share with you guys, I would never have started this blog. But now, I’ve had it for over a year and still counting.
So, I would really appreciate it if you left a comment by telling me what you think. Are you also a perfectionist?? If so, which symptoms affect you most? Also share with me any information you may have on perfectionism. I could have misdiagnosed myself 😂😂